I open my eyes
Darkness continues...
Are the stars still shining?
Shortly light begins to enter
I rise and climb out of our wombspace
The soft light still beneath the horizon
Bringing images to my eyes
Clarifying the clouds, the trees
Before only the sounds of the wind the waves
The songs of the birds
I create my sacred space.
I sit
And discover what is here now in this moment
How does my body feel today?
My breath?
Where are the wanderings and wonderings of my mind taking me?
Is the air cool and breezy or hot and still
Wet or dry?
I connect to my breath
Let my body guide me into gentle movements
As I awaken
Will my movements be slow and easy today?
Strong and quick?
I flow or stumble in the ways
my body guides me and then
into Stillness.
The breeze brushes against my skin
bringing a chill
The sun begins to rise above the mountaintops
Peeking shyly through the clouds
As its rays reach my skin
I immediately feel its warmth
Welcomed in this moment
But later I will seek shelter from its power
My loose strands of hair
Tickle my neck as they are led in a dance by the breeze
I think of my beloved
Still sweetly sleeping below
As we rock back and forth in the waves
like being held in a mother's arms
I dive into the water
Feel my body enter into the coolness and wet
I taste the salt and am reminded of
my own sweat
How we are made of the same materials
I swim
Surrounded by fish and diving pelicans
I am instantly in another universe
A strange world where I can only be observer.
So,we left close to 2 months ago. We've been sailing since the beginning of September. It wasn't our plan to get on a boat. We just got back from last year's trip in May, I wanted more time with family and friends, we were going to sell the house, we bought a toyota dolphin rv we were going to live and travel in in the U.S. Then we got the email…
That was how it happened the first time just 6 months ago. We bought plane tickets home, made work and personal commitments, felt ready to go home. Then we got the message. After email communications and interviews on Skype we decided to go. We cancelled the flight and made apologies that we couldn't keep our commitments. And we flew to Panama and got on a sailboat for a month.
It was my first time sailing besides a short day trip. I had always wondered about sailing and the wanderer in me had been curious about living on a boat and traveling by sea. I never thought I would get to know, but I suppose in my wonderings a seed was planted, dreams growing from that seed. Keep dreaming, you never know what you can create from those dreams, even if they feel distant or far off from anything you believe could ever happen.
I learned a lot. I learned what I loved and I learned some of the challenges. Any time you get more than 2 people in a small space, that alone can be challenging, especially for introverts that love their personal space. But you make it work, or you get off the boat.
What I love: basically living outside, being so in touch with the ocean and its moods, the openness of the skies, clouds, storms, sun, sunsets, sunrises, starry nights, birds of all kinds flying by or landing on the boat and traveling with you, the dolphins that swim and play along with you at the front of the boat, being so connected to nature, flowing with life, with the weather and winds or stillness or squalls, eating freshly caught fish, meeting other free spirits from around the world who love this life as well.
So, we were getting the rv and house ready and we got the email. It was too good to pass up. A classic boat, 1923 wooden 86’ schooner, a sailing museum! All expenses paid (rare), and a boat to really learn about sailing on, and he was ok that I didn't have much experience.
That was the tough part. The first boat knew I didn't have any experience, and most everything was in Spanish. I didn't do much but observe even though I was capable. So I get on this boat and it may as well as been French (which I don't speak) because it was all boat-ese. And not your everyday sailing… experienced people get on and look around saying, “and what is that?!”.
So, I got past the learning curve and we pretty much got into a groove of how to do everything. There are the owners who are a couple, and there were 4 crew. Now there are 3 crew. It takes a minimum of 3 people to even move the boat. The other crew member showed some untrustworthy behaviors, so as I said, if it doesn't work, you get off.
We've been navigating the dance whether or not to stay on or get off. Thing is, we made a commitment to get through the canal. My level of integrity has been stronger than the desire to leave, and we decided that it has been a compromise, but not enough to leave. I told some new friends the other night that we are just not a good match. I'll leave it at that. There have been some beautiful and sweet and fun moments as well. And the experience has been a great teacher and incredible practice for the both of us on compassion, patience, forgiveness, letting go, breathing, creating boundaries... I am so grateful for my partner Patrick and the ways we can support each other through the challenges and celebrate the beauty together.
So, we are just over a week away from getting off and are ready, although we will miss the sailing part, it will be a welcome change to have some space to ourselves. We are going to take some time alone in Costa Rica and then we'll head towards a farm where we are thinking of doing a work exchange. We will visit first because they are asking for a 3 month commitment. But they seem like conscious awake people so I think from just that alone it will be a completely different experience.
Then….? My wise teacher once said, “ We can't know what is coming next or we would f*ck it up!” So… Maybe if we make other plans we will receive another email to get on another boat!
