back in michigan...

Landed

so...back in Detroit.  Landed on planet earth. It has been a soft landing, thanks to the kindness of my parents setting up a little space for me to stay in comfort.

I saw my body/energy worker/healer whom I may get to see once or twice a year and she said, "you have a clean slate".  I am back, but I am back after a lot of letting go.  In a sense I had to release Detroit and the people and this life to leave in the first place.
http://20yearsdespues.blogspot.mx/2013/08/letting-go.html

And then in a sense I had to leave behind Tulum, and what I had started creating there, and the people I love.  I left behind a man I loved and the 20+ years of hopefully waiting for mañana with him, but we broke the illusions we created over those years, letting go of wanting something that wasn't even real...so I cleared out a lot of space.
http://20yearsdespues.blogspot.mx/2014/05/my-last-entry.html

I got rid of 90-some% of my stuff (depends if you count by pieces or volume!), kept the essentials to live here and let go of the rest...it has been liberating...
http://20yearsdespues.blogspot.mx/2013/04/overwhelmed-by-stuff.html

Another insight she gave me was to trust and watch it unfold...I know what I don't want, but I don't want to focus on that... what is waiting for me is still a secret!  I can do this, I have been practicing and there is something about Mexico that taught me to move with the fluidity of life more freely, let go of (the illusion of) control.

I am most likely moving to Ann Arbor July through December...? A couple of years back I wanted to move there, but I wasn't ready, so I moved to Ferndale.  I just knew that I needed to leave Detroit.  So being back in Detroit, it feels hard to leave again.  

But there are those things that I know I don't want and Detroit is one of them.  I love the people and community down to the depths of my heart, but that environment is just too toxic for me, I feel the softening that happened in Tulum already starting to form a crust when I am there....and maybe more than anything, i don't want to live in a large sprawling city anymore, away from nature...

What is interesting though, I went to Tulum, without the roots and history that I have here, a clean slate of sorts...although I said i didn't need the opportunity to reinvent myself, I know who I am, I am always growing and changing...

But now in my returning, I am noticing that I don't want to automatically fall into my old patterns again.  Into the same habits with the same people, just because it/they existed before.  I want it to be a choice that supports me in my life to live for my highest good.  That means some things will have to shift and change and it is interesting how much more difficult that is when you are in the space of the old, when you have shifted after being away...



...and part of having a clean slate is...

I just don't know what is next for me.... 

and that is what life is for all of us really, right?